New Phone
So today, I pulled the trigger and bought the Pixel 3A. My LG V20 was about 4 years old and the screen got cracked Saturday night when I fell during my run. I’m still getting used to the phone and as of now, I’m finding myself opening it a lot (not sure if it’s because I have an addiction with phones or because I’m just trying to learn about the phone as much as possible).
I will say it is nice to be able to use all the features on my phone because it’s not rooted. So I can have Snapchat and use Google Pay. Not to mention, I have the latest stable version of Android after being stuck on Android N for the longest. Tomorrow is going to be my test for the camera though. I’ll see how well it takes pictures at night when we are on the yacht party and during the day I’ll try to emphasize taking pictures.
Fasting
It’s now 10:41 pm and I have the urge to eat a sandwich or some peanuts. I just want to snack. I will say that last night, I was able to to put the food back in the kitchen. Making tea did help a little bit. So I’m definitely going to do that again tonight. Drink tea and then shower to relax my nerves and urges.
I’m not seeing any changes in my self-control and such. Although it is only the second day. But I suppose me making the conscious effort to not eat when I have the urge to snack is an accomplishment. Kind of looking forward to tomorrow night when I can eat at night.
Thoughts
So I wanted to document this because it hasn’t really happened since she moved out but last night, I honestly missed my ex. And it wasn’t missing her in a physical way like I wanted to fuck or anything. I actually envisioned how I would interact with her if we were to be in the same event and I saw myself being physically attracted to her but not being horny by her presence. It was more like I was genuinely curious how she was doing, how are the projects coming along at her job, anything she proud of that she wouldn’t mind sharing with me?
In my daydream, at first, we would be wary of communicating with one another. But then a mutual friend told us to get over our shit because we were making people feel uncomfortable. So I asked her if we could speak in private. She agreed, probably because she didn’t want to cause conflict after learning that we were making people feel uncomfortable.
We sat at a table away from everyone else but still in the vicinity and that’s when I said hi. She laughed and seeing her smile eased my nerves. That was all I needed to feel comfortable enough to ask her about work and anything that I thought she would be proud of. I was happy to find out that she was making strides in the workplace and that she was comfortable with her new situation (being single, not having a lover to turn to, but a solid group of friends that provide the support she was always seeking).
I would listen, happy that what I wanted for her is becoming a reality. Does that make me selfish? Envisioning her happy so that I can feel good? Or rather so I wouldn’t feel guilty for doing what I felt was best for me? Love is a finicky topic. One that I will definitely dive into at a later date. But the daydream was a nice little image before going to sleep.
The interaction in my head was of genuine love. But the love of an old friend. Not of a lover. I really do hope she is okay. It was agreed that we wouldn’t contact each other. After what we’ve been through, we need space to grow as individuals.
If you are reading this, thank you for all that you have done. There will always be love. Be well.
Also, this is 3-days in a row that ya boy has posted online. It’s a short duration but coming from someone who would only think about blogging and wouldn’t actually blog, I’m damn proud of this milestone.